Itthi Kaṇḍa — On Women

94. The charm proper to each kind

Everything in this world, where it falls short, nature tends to compensate with something else. Where there is a weak point, there is sure to be a strong one.

The cuckoo, though not stately like the royal swan, has a sweet voice that draws the attention of other creatures to look its way. That sweet, captivating song is therefore its charm.

A married woman loses her allure and seems no longer attractive to young men in general. But a woman who understands the running of a household, who serves her husband faithfully without fault, rising before him and retiring after him — this is precisely the charm of a woman, and she will remain lovely for good.

A person of plain looks who has an art or a body of learning is counted as outstanding in any assembly.

An ascetic striving in practice, though not yet perfect in the threefold training, who has forbearance, is unshaken, and keeps a steady mind, is counted beautiful and worthy of reverence and faith.

95. The wealth of four kinds of person

Wealth in this world is of two kinds: external wealth and internal wealth. External wealth is such things as necklaces, rings, silver and gold, houses, and land. Internal wealth is of seven kinds — faith, virtue, moral shame (hiri), moral dread (ottappa), learning (suta), generosity (cāga), and wisdom (paññā) — and it is the more excellent.

A woman, though she lacks both external and internal wealth, yet has a lovely and radiant form, may still be said to possess wealth, having beauty for her wealth.

A man has knowledge and ability for his wealth. Even with no inheritance passed down to him, he is not poor or destitute; for one who has knowledge can acquire every kind of wealth.

Monks and novices, apart from the eight requisites, have only virtue for their wealth; virtue is the means by which they live. Virtue, therefore, is the wealth of monks and novices.

The ruler of a country must keep a strong armed force to defend the nation, so that enemies cannot invade. Military strength is therefore of the utmost importance to the ruler of a country.

96. The beauty proper to each kind

The ascetic, the domestic animal, the man, and the woman each have a beauty of a different kind.

The ascetic who has gone forth to strive and burn away the defilements, forsaking worldly pleasures, is beautiful when lean of body, as befits one who strives. If he only consumes the requisites and grows fat and heavy, his conduct will be unlovely. Therefore the lean ascetic is beautiful.

A domestic animal, when its owner is not neglectful but cares for it, feeds it up, and keeps it well-conditioned, is beautiful and fetches a good price when sold.

A man, whatever his looks may be, is beautiful when he has the knowledge and ability to manage every task well and without fault.

A woman who has beauty both within and without, who has a fine heart and tends the household without any lapse, is surely the desire of all men; when she has a husband, she is beautiful.

97. The training and closeness one cannot do without

Every craft must be practised diligently until one has skill and mastery. And once one has good mastery, one should keep repeating it to stay nimble and not let one's skill slip; for if it is left aside for many days, one's ability may decline.

A musician should not leave off practising for more than five days, for he will forget the melodies.

An archer should not leave off practising for more than seven days, for he will forget the technique.

A husband should not stay away from his dearly beloved wife for more than one month, for she will turn cold.

A student who leaves off reviewing an art or learning for even half a month finds it fading away, hard to refresh into memory again. Whatever branch of art or learning one studies, one should study it continuously and not leave off for many days, for that would make one's knowledge disconnected.

98. Each delights in its own element

Liking and disliking are feelings peculiar to each individual. Each kind of living being has its own likings, its own pleasure, love, longing, and yearning, all different.

The buffalo is a heat-sensitive animal with little hair, and so it loves to wallow in mud to relieve the heat and to cake its skin with mud as a guard against gadflies, mosquitoes, and all sorts of biting and stinging insects. This is why we see the buffalo forever lying soaking in the mud.

The swan is a noble, stately creature, like a maiden of high birth, and so it loves to descend and play in a pool of clear, clean water where lotuses of many kinds are blossoming in full bloom.

Woman was made by nature to be paired with man, and so woman delights in man and not in her own sex; and man likewise delights in woman and not in his own sex. To be otherwise is counted contrary to nature.

The monk delights in the Dhamma and not in what is contrary to it; for the Dhamma bestows benefit and happiness, while what is contrary to it brings suffering, fault, and danger both to oneself and to others.

99. What deserves praise

Everything in this world has its worth deserving praise. Some things are of worth for curbing, refining, relieving, subduing, disciplining, and holding in check so as not to flourish; other things are of worth for promoting, nurturing, aiding, supporting, and sustaining. Therefore, when one sees worth in anything, one should honour it, admire it, and praise it, even though that thing has already passed by.

Food that has been eaten and digested should be praised as beneficial to the body.

A wife whose youthful years have passed should be praised as still young and lovely, to give her heart.

A warrior who has been through war and brought victory to the country should be honoured openly.

Grain, though it cannot be eaten as it is, should be valued, for it can be kept as seed for planting to yield much more rice again.

100. Woman, monk, and bird who have passed through many times are full of cunning

What has come and gone again many times over becomes familiar, and leaves a deeper impression than other things; and so one longs for it again. When one cannot get it by fair means, one resorts to cunning and wiles to obtain it as desired.

A woman who has had several husbands, when she finds no satisfaction, keeps wanting to seek a new husband. Seeing any man who is good and well-off, she uses her wiles to make him besotted. Such a woman is full of tricks and guile; whatever man is deluded into taking her as wife will be fleeced to the bone.

A monk who has been abbot of several monasteries is sharp and crafty, misappropriating what belongs to the Sangha as his own, never to be caught or overtaken, deceiving everyone all around, going about soliciting donations to build this and that; and once he has money and gold in hand, he spends it on comforts for himself. The faithful should beware.

A bird that has escaped the snare many times is hard to trap, for it knows how to dodge and slip away and save its skin.

101. How to subdue what should be subdued

In this maxim of the Loka Nīti, the teacher advises different ways of subduing each kind of person.

The wicked man, if he does but a little wrong, is to be subdued by a fine; if he offends again and again, he is to be subdued by a flogging so that he learns his lesson; for wrong of middling degree, he is to be subdued by imprisonment; and if his wrong is grave and severe, he is to be subdued by execution.

A bad friend is to be subdued by not speaking with him — neither blaming nor praising him.

An unfaithful wife is to be subdued by not entrusting property to her; for when she has no wealth in hand, she loses the power to go about doing wrong.

An old man of strong lust is to be subdued by reducing his food, or by giving food that does not inflame lust and defilement; for food that nourishes to excess causes lust to flare up.

102. What lacks its counterpart is not beautiful

Things that nature made to go in pairs, when they lack their counterpart, are not as beautiful as they should be.

The moon riding high in the sky, if it be daytime, looks pale and dull, without radiance, and is not beautiful; but if it be night, it looks bright and clear and cool, soothing to eye and heart. The night, therefore, has its part in making the moon ride high and lovely.

The sea, if it lacked sound and waves and lay silent and still, would not be of interest; but when it sends up its sound and its waves, it looks beautiful and awesome.

The lotus pond, when it has water clear and clean enough to see the schools of fish, and lotuses of many kinds blossoming in full bloom, waiting to greet the dawn amid the mist — yet with no young swans gliding down to that pond to dance and court in pairs — will not look truly beautiful.

A young woman, however lovely and radiant her face may be, if she lacks a man to court her as her partner, shows that she lacks the qualities of a lady of good family, and so does not look as beautiful as she should.

103. Husband and wife are needle and thread

In this maxim of the Loka Nīti, the teacher shows the duties and standing of husband and wife, comparing them to a needle and a thread. When a needle has a thread strung through its eye, then wherever it pierces and stitches, it binds and fastens things together firmly. If the needle has no thread strung through it, it serves no purpose — at most it can only pick a splinter or thorn out of the foot. So too the thread: if it lacks the needle to lead the way, it serves no purpose — at most it can only tie the navel-cord of a newborn child. Only when there are both needle and thread can the work be accomplished fully according to its purpose.

Husband and wife are just the same: each must perform an important duty. The husband's duty is to seek out wealth to support the family in happiness; and when he has obtained the wealth, he hands it to the wife to manage and spend. The wife should apportion the wealth for spending and set some aside as savings for times of need. The man leads, the woman follows — and that is right.

104. Rivers wind, forests have rotten wood, women in secret

Woman, from ancient times to the present, is fragile, and often does things for which the world reproaches and censures her. That is, when out of sight of mother and father, elder kin, guardians, and husband, she often does what is unseemly and not accepted by society at large. When she is in a secret place alone with a man, feelings of sexual desire often come into play; she forgets that she is the one who stands to be harmed, feels no shame, and so heedlessly acts as her heart desires. The elders know this full well, and so they guard and protect their daughters and granddaughters, not allowing them to go anywhere alone with another man, watching over them jealously; for once she has yielded herself to a man, her worth in the eyes of other men who might court her is thereby lessened.

Just as a river runs a winding course and a forest has rotten wood, so it is with the heart of a young woman.

105. The woman not worth keeping

In this maxim of the Loka Nīti, the teacher sets forth the failings in the duties of a woman who has married and made a family — how she lacks in many ways the qualities of a good housewife. That is: she likes to pick quarrels and fall out, now with her husband, now with elder kin, now with the neighbours; she speaks in an unpleasing way; she shows jealousy to the point of being hateful; she displays greedy cravings before crowds of people, with no regard for time or place; she likes to buy fine and costly things to use and to eat, and whatever is good she chooses to eat before her husband; she likes to go clustering and loitering about in other people's houses to gossip about this one and that one. Such a woman brings only disgrace and trouble to the family again and again. A man who knows this should end it if he can.

106. The six marks of a good woman

A woman who bears herself as a mother, as a younger sister, as a servant, who is a counsellor, who lies at her husband's left, who knows how to adorn herself, and who is forbearing under anger — such a woman is the most excellent.

This maxim of the Loka Nīti sets forth six marks of an excellent woman, as praised by the wise, namely:

• At meals and at her toilet, she keeps herself lovely and worthy of respect like a mother.

• In secret she is modest like a younger sister.

• In her tasks she does things neatly like a servant.

• When danger comes, she can be a counsellor.

• She knows how to lie on the left in bed, honouring and attending to her husband.

• She knows how to be forbearing when her husband is angry, not answering back in a way that inflames things.

A woman with these marks the wise praise as excellent, and they say that when she dies she is reborn in heaven.

107. The marks of a fair woman worth marrying

The preceding maxim of the Loka Nīti showed the failings of a woman; this one therefore shows the qualities that are the good marks of a woman. Any woman who has the qualities here described is counted as one who did good deeds well in past lives; she kept the precepts, did not like to harm anyone, did not like to speak ill of anyone, did not like to oppress anyone, did not like to take advantage of anyone, was generous and openhanded, and her manner and bearing were calm, gentle, humble, and lovely. It is precisely because she did such good deeds well that she comes to have every good mark complete. Even if she were born into a low-ranking, poor family, any man whose eye is keen enough to meet with her should hasten to send elders to ask for her hand as his wife; or elders who see her should hasten to ask for her as a daughter-in-law — for such a woman is excellent indeed.

108. The fair woman is foremost

Here the wise wish to convey the importance of the woman whom they admire, honour, and hold in high esteem as chief in all affairs — that is, the woman fair of form and fair of name. This they show by comparison with other things: there are six seasons — sarada (autumn), hemanta (winter), sisira (late winter), vasanta (spring), gimhanta (summer), and vassāna (the rains). Of these six seasons, the autumn season is counted the foremost of all, for it is the season in which everyone calls to mind the kindnesses of all their benefactors and makes merit, dedicating the fruits of it to them.

Just as the firstborn is chief among children, and the north is chief among the directions, so the fair-formed wife tends to receive more attention and to be given more importance, and so she is foremost among wives.

109. The woman who wishes to be born a man

The matter of women's rights not being equal to men's is one that has been raised and debated in every age, from the past to the present: how women may come to have rights and freedoms equal to men. People argue back and forth, seeking reasons and grounds.

But this maxim of the Loka Nīti speaks of women's rights in a different way. It speaks of a woman's right to be granted ordination in the midst of the community of monks, equal to men, so that she may attain the highest states of Dhamma, may fulfil the perfections, and may awaken to supreme perfect enlightenment as a Fully Enlightened Buddha. This last a woman cannot attain: if any woman wishes to awaken as a Fully Enlightened Buddha, she must first wish for the state of a man. And to fulfil that wish, a woman who is a wife should serve her husband with respect and humility — not lowering herself, but doing so for the sake of attaining the highest goal. As a celestial maiden serves Indra, so let her do.

110. The man who wishes to be born a man

A man who sees that this state of being a man is a high state, fit to accomplish great benefit, a state capable of awakening to supreme perfect enlightenment, should wish to be born a man in life after life, until he has fulfilled the perfections completely. To bring that wish to fruition, he should guard himself, holding himself within good and proper custom, not behaving disgracefully, not violating a woman's rights, not offending against a woman who has mother and father, who has elder kin, who has a guardian, who is protected by custom, protected by law, protected by a husband, or a woman who ought not to be touched. He should be content with, attentive to, honour, protect, admire, and provide for his own wife alone — like a person who has washed his feet well clean and, loathing the mud, does not wish to tread in it, but keeps well away from filth.

111. The mouth of ruin for the old man

Whatever things are ill-matched, when brought together as a pair, cause each other to decline. Whatever things are well-matched, when brought together as a pair, cause each other to prosper.

An old man and a young wife are ill-matched, and cause each other to decline. The old man who wants a young woman for a wife pours out his whole fortune to the last to get her; and the old man who has a young wife yields to her every want, obeying her in all things. The young woman who consents to be an old man's wife mostly consents for the sake of his wealth, and so has no wish to serve and attend him; instead she turns treacherous, takes a young lover, or squanders all the property there is. And once the wealth is gone, she abandons him without a backward glance. The wise therefore warn: that is the mouth of ruin.