Putta-kaṇḍa — The Section on the Son

173–174. Five Reasons the Wise Desire a Son

First, parents hope the son will care for them in old age, reversing the role of caretaker. Second, the son will do the necessary work, both in the family and in society. Third, the son ensures the continuity of the family line, preserving its name and its inheritance. Fourth, the son will responsibly care for and carry on the estate. And last, most important of all, the son will make merit and dedicate it in the parents' name after they have gone — provision for the spirit in the world beyond. (This verse comes from the Pali Canon, the Putta Sutta.)

175. Wishing for a Son Equal or Superior

Wise parents desire a son who is their equal in virtue and success, or better still, one who will raise the standing of the family higher — especially in the way of the Dhamma. They dread an inferior son whose bad conduct brings shame, wastes the family wealth, or abandons its traditions — cutting off the family line both socially and morally. (This verse repeats verse 51 in the Section on Wisdom, showing it to be an important maxim that recurs.)

176. Even Siblings of One Womb Differ

Siblings born of the same parents may differ utterly in disposition, temperament, and behavior; they are not uniform or equal in quality. The thorns on a jujube tree, though sprung from a single trunk, differ in size, shape, and sharpness. This natural diversity explains why, though reared alike, one child may turn out good and another go astray. The verse acknowledges the role of individual disposition — owing to the kamma each child brings from past lives — which then blends with the parents' upbringing.

177. Train Son and Pupil at the Fitting Time

The untrained one is full of faults — lacking control, impulsive, and prone to error. The trained one, by contrast, cultivates many virtues: patience, respect, self-restraint, and diligence. Therefore the essential duty of a parent or teacher is to train at the time fit for training, above all in youth, when character is still malleable and when correction will take effect. Timely training is the act that transforms a child's raw potential into a virtuous adult.

178. Both Instruct and Restrain

First one must instruct and admonish, giving direction and positive teaching. Second one must restrain from what is base, setting clear limits on unwholesome conduct. The result of this balanced approach is that the one who has been trained loves and respects the trainer, seeing the care that lies behind the correction. Conversely, the one left untrained, allowed to sink into self-destructive habits, grows into a resentful person, or one who feels unloved by those who neglected to guide him. True care thus includes both encouragement and restraint.

179. A Wayward Son or Sibling Should Be Corrected, Not Abandoned

One should not abandon a son or sibling who has gone astray; the duty is to correct and to strive to reform, continuously. If one's own hand or foot were smeared with filth, one would not cut it off at once, but would wash it again and again until clean. Just so, a soiled relative — spoiled though he be by bad conduct — is still our relative. The response should therefore be a patient, unrelenting cleansing through moral teaching, not amputation or abandonment. Family bonds call for an unshakable effort at restoration.